Mending

I think I am finally on the rebound from this awful headache.  I am still a little queasy but dang! these suckers can hurt.  It"s like walking into a door or (if your talented like me) bumping your head on something sharp and hard.  It's easy for me to empathize with our headache patients because well, I am one.  Pretty much down for the count all day but I think I finally got it though.  I had all day to rest.  Hubby had a foam job.  Yes!  In the middle of the arctic weather.  The girls were at school so I had a quiet, empty house which is really the only cure.  That and a whole lot of sleep.  Hope I sleep tonight.  I do have medication for them but it makes me vomit and that I can go without as long as I am able to just rest it off.  

Speaking of the girls.  Report card time!  Both did excellent.  Both are thriving, good listeners and eager to learn.  I truly believe that these children are the very best of me even on their worst days.  Meltdowns and all.  It's hard to believe that it's creeping on 10yrs since becoming a parent.  I was so afraid I'd screw it up and then.........I looked at their beautiful little faces and said to myself "do the best you can" and prayed that every decision I made wouldn't be the wrong one.  Each day I am posed with the internal question of what kind of mother do I want to be.  My answer is always the same.  Better than my own.  To do that I apologize to them, I acknowledge my mistakes, I tell them, show them daily how much I love them.  Sometimes to the point of near smothering.  Being a mother is the best choice I've made, the most inspiring, humbling, learning experience and though there are things I would go back and change I know I can't and so I just try to be better for them everyday.  These little people just make you want to be the very best that you are.  Inspiring change by learning from them.  I've learned just as much as I've taught.  It truly is the most cleansing life changing thing I have ever done in my life (twice).  My girls save me daily from myself and my demons.  Danielle I hope your fears of motherhood continue to subside.  I cannot genuinely put into words the satisfaction motherhood will give you.  For the other mothers out there I know you know what I mean though the words I type don't give it justice.  Hmmmm, maybe I should've saved this one for Mother's Day!