One year without Grandma

Hard to believe but one year ago yesterday I got the call that seemed to freeze time.  We all went into auto-pilot.  It's strange to think that it's been a year since Grandma died.  I still expect to walk into the house and see her, hear her.  Sometimes I think I can still smell her there and in the weirdest places.  A patient will come in to the clinic, I'll pass a woman in a store.  It's crazy that someone can be so imbedded in your memory that such a little thing, that a year ago, caused no pause and all of a sudden it happens and you are flooded with a memory.  I often wonder if she's watching and approves of the choices I make and the life I lead.  I think of her daily.  Literally.  Daily.  Sitting at my desk and my mind will wander to a time when I was a child and I can hear her.  Is it really true that you don't learn to truly appreciate another human being until you no longer have the opportunity to take their love and forgiveness for granted?  I sure hope not.  Loosing Grandma, I had so much I wanted to tell her, should have told her.  So many things I would have done so differently.  It saddens me I can't tell her and yet I feel she knows.  Including in those moments you consider "the happiest ones", I include those last few months where Grandma and Grandpa would call me to help with something.  It meant the world to me that they trusted me to help.  Leaving this world she left me with one final lesson.  I cannot do this life without family and friends.  She reminded me in illness how truly important my family is and how badly I longed to re-build damaged bridges.  In the end she helped me do that.  If she were here I would say what I should have said all those years..............Thanks Grandma.  Loving you is grand, missing you is painful, remembering you is soothing.  I miss you Grandma.  Kisses to heaven.